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[15 Aug 2007|02:50pm] |
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Last time I wrote in this I was 14. Ew it seems like forever ago...wow a little more than 2 years really cuz my last post was in august too. Time flys. I need someone to talk 2, but i cant really talk to anyone right now. Cant see julie or Kait and i miss them a lot. My best friends just seem to be getting farther and farther away. I have to change schools, Antioch High, right where I didn't want to be. In middle school I was picked on a lot which was one of the main reasons I had wanted to go to DDV since all the people in mid school were going to antioch...brings up a lot of old "kid-like" memorys having to transfer schools. So much can change in 2 years and I hate how my life has turned out. Hate is a strong word maybe i 'highly dislike' the way all this has ended up fitting together. Theres a lot of parts of me that are completely dif
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| I've been watching your world from afar, I've been trying to be where you are, And... |
[17 Aug 2005|10:44pm] |
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 cynical |
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music |
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Tornado by Mindless Self Indulgence |
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I've been secretly falling apart.
Fucking School. So confusing. So I went to the high school just to have all my questions multiply by 10. I called Katelyn to see if she knew what the hell was going on and she, of course, did not. So we tried calling other people who we knew were going to DV (which aren't many) including john, cory, and Quinn. *sigh* none were of any help. Fuck. This. World. They have no interesting art electives available to freshmans. This sucks so much ass. I WANT AN ART CLASS YOU DAMN CUNTERS! But no, Instead I'm going for keyboarding. Keyboarding for christ sake. I also want my foreign language class to be spanish, but the odds of me getting that are extremely slim. Damn, I really want to know my classes. Now.
Tennis tryouts are on the 1st of september. Ugh. What a bitch.
I have no idea what I'm going to do in life. I know there are a lot of people out there much older than me and just wandering around aimlessly...and i dont want to become one of those people. Struggling in this world. I've always set goals for myself and always planned things ahead. I'd like to think of myself mature for my age...ok so that can be questioned at times. But still for the most part I can take care of myself. And still...What am i going to do in life. What am I good at...err....nothing. I used to want to become a pschiatrist...hehe I dont think anyone would want me as their shrink. I know I want to take a year off before I go to college for sure and just travel wherever i can freaking afford to go...I just know thats what I'm going to do and I've known it for the longest time. But carreer wise...I mean wtf. Ugh. Reality is hitting me way to hard. These next few year are going to get away from me, they're just going to go way too fast.
Ok to get away from all that crap. My room. Well it was completely and brutally plain. So I went to Urban Ore and got a bunch of records. (Taylor I saw that dude there again. BWAHA!) Anywho and I hung them on my walls...well nailed them onto my walls..but whatever. So...yeah...there are more but I didnt feel like taking pictures of all the records, there are many...many..yeah, many. (Stencil creations under the cut as well)
What a boring ass entry.
( severed fragments of my being pieced together, give life meaning. fragile quilt of faded memories torn apart by life's disease... )
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| Ramble, Ramble, Ramble. |
[14 Aug 2005|03:34pm] |
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Seventeen by Ladytron |
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I JUST NEED 2 RAMBLE, DAMN YOU
Wow. Holy fuck. I feel horrible right now for failing math last year. I was in the higher math class and waisted a good oopurtunity. CRAP! I completely screwed myself over for freshman year. Fuck fuck fuck. And I'm actually taking the time to look through my course catalog...what respectable teen does that? *hangs head in shame* Im completely confuzzled, i need...60 units...10 credits per class....or something. So I got my transfer into DV. I dont have to go to regular registration with everyone else..I have a god damn appointment, on the 17th. So i sitll have a couple days 2 figure out what classes I at least want to attempt. Not like I'll get many I want. Last year the greduating class of Deer Vally high shcool was around 1000. So thats graduating seniors alone. The schools in california are way to jam packed. But yeah this is going to suck so much ass.
*My dad is by far the laziest man.
*I haven't smelled pot in the house in awhile suprisingly enough.
*uhhh...I need a parrot. Yes. a parrot.
*I smell of paint. We're painting my brothers soon-to-be bedroom. I better be getting paid for this.
*I had the worst coffee ever. Its bitter and I swear the words that come to describe it is simply, ass.
*I want an industrial ear piercing. Now
*It's a beautiful thing when you can rub your eyes without fear of smudging your eyeliner.
*Sleep is love.
I despise text only posts, but I have nothing creative to uncover. I need to stencil the walls in my room though, I'll definately do that some time next week. Ugh, I need a hug
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| Classical music can be so F-ing AWESOME!!!!!! |
[08 Aug 2005|04:32am] |
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Stellar by Incubus |
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Oh dear. So tay tay is gone. *SCORE* no no no imma miss all the put downs and negativity. haha. but I might be going 2 Arizona! muhuahahah!!! TAYLOR WATCHHH OUTTTTT!!!!! It will be awesome if i go though. So my parents and I made a deal, next summer I want 2 go 2 New Mexico and visit old friends and what not. so they said i have 2 "work" for it so i have 2 take up piano lessons again. *gags*. dont get me wrong. music is a beautiful thing and its just amazing to play an instrument. but after 5 years of playing piano i kinda wish i coulda just stopped and not have 2 pick it up again. So my first piano lesson is on Tuesday. first piano lesson in...about 2 years. It will be interesting. eh' i feel a bit odd. now that no ones at the house and shit i have 2 think about reality and how school is going 2 work out. Its horrid. Im one of those students who has "slipped through the cracks" in which meaning they never sent me papers to any school So I'm not even sure what school I'm going 2 anymore. Its so confusing. My damn transfer papers are "pending". its just really confusing. I miss a lot of things...from school, 2 my old memories...just everything. and I wish it was just kinda back to the old way when i didnt have many troubles. Im in a poem writing mood. expect a poem with the next update. whether crappy or pure brilliance. we'll see.
Stupid random nothingness under the cut. memories again. tis' all
( Obsession is Forever. )
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[02 Aug 2005|12:54am] |
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mood |
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To Buy a Gun by Idiot Pilot |
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MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHA. yeah. anyway. Fucking school starts september 9th. how scurry. Seriously it sucks and im quite annoyed by it all. Taylor leaves the 7th. Fucking suckz brutal. So on my list of things 2 do, i have to buy julie one of those silver ball necklaces for her birthday. well we're going 2 the mall soon so i'll get 'em there.I have to fucking remember.Ahh thats one of my down falls. I cant remember anything. I have 2 write everything down. Its horrid. Jeez, being around my parents 2 much, ahh my poor brain cells. Anywho...uhhh...I have nothing intelligent 2 say. Of course. So.... uhh....I dunno just random stuff under the cut because theres nothing else 2 say.
( UNO!!!!!! )
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| dun dun dun |
[18 Jul 2005|08:45am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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Giving In by Adema |
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I'm. So. Fucking. Bored.
I dont expect anyone 2 read all this crap.
I havent even gone 2 sleep yet. I think i'll go collapse on the uncomfortable matress i call a bed.
( All you can be is you. )
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| Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion. |
[06 Jul 2005|01:58am] |
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Deadworld by Shadows Fall |
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I'm actually really freaking tired. Sleeping schedule...soooo screwed up. Hmmm I wonder why. *ponders*
Why do I insist on buying more and more clothes when I pretty much wear the same shirt for a week straight? haha. The story of my life.
Ivette....what an interesting individual. haha. That's a nice way of putting it. No I wuv her 2 death. She leaves the 17th. *tear*. According 2 mother, I might be able 2 go over 2 New Mexico for ahile and see everybody. I'd stay with Ivette and stuff...soo yeah something 2 look foward 2 i guess. I'm suprised she actually gave in, her and her paranoia and all. Its really getting on my nerves. Fuking brutally.
Pshh i freaking cried the other night. I hadn't done that in a long while. I dont even really know what it was about, a little bit of everything i guess. I never thought of myself as the type 2 bottle up emotions...u find out new things and emotions about urself all the time, it's scary actually.
So yeah im definately scurred about this weekend. I dunno i feel kinda preasured. I shouldn't, of course. I guess i worry 2 much. A sad trait i've picked up from my mother. Always analysing crap, second thinking my actions.
I want 2 be a little kid again. Not a worry in the world. Just going out into the unkown reality, oblivious 2 everything.
I was going through some of my stuff...found a sad short story i wrote awhile back. My depressed phase.
( Looking back into the past )
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| Why would I destroy something I help build? |
[02 Jul 2005|08:42pm] |
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Sister by She wants Revenge |
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I abso-freaking-lutely hate my brother. He is a rotten demon child. My dad doesnt do shit about it. In fact he's in the room smoking pot as I'm sitting here complaining about my life. My mom works 2 hard 2 have energy 2 put up with all this shit. I want 2 fuking scream til' no end. *sigh*, My dad is lazy and doesn't do shit. My mom is completely high strung and over protective of me. I'm not even going into details about it, theres just way 2 much. One of these days its all going 2 be 2 much for me 2 handle and I'm going 2 completely rebel. I want something i can control that can just make it all stop. Theres one thing that takes me away from it all, but its not constant and I cant depend on it. *sigh* Everyone has their problems.
My ear is infected (Since i got it pierced). Its horrible. Hurts like a bitch
Lots of feelings and emotions. Its really weird. I kinda like it. It's a distraction from reality, in all truth thats something we all need.
Yes. I keep falling, but now im not sure if I want 2 stop. It means 2 much 2 me.
Infatuation is Forbidden
( You can hurt me til' whenever you like )
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| Frozen Grapes. hehe |
[28 Jun 2005|11:42pm] |
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 devious |
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Bug Eyes by Dredg |
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Boredom.
Ummm...B-day was the 26th. nothing special happened really. I got my cell taken away. Turns out I already went over my minutes for this month within a week. The sprint company contacted my mom saying they were turning off all our cells so she goes over to the sprint place and sees whats up and finds out the whole minutes situation. So that was my second time going over my minutes dramatically and my mother completely over reacted so now I am phoneless. *tear*. I spent FOREVER trying 2 find out how 2 put an actual background in my LJ...ahh so freaking frustrating. Oviously i didn't find out how...o welllllll. I got my ear pierced, upper left ear. I was suprised that it didn't hurt at all. If i am 2 mutalate any part of my body it would be my ear.
Emotions emotions...they've been different lately.
My sleeping schedule is really screwed up.
Anyway. Yeah lots of worrisome thoughts going through my head. Lots or random stuff cluttering my mind. Stressful, Stressful.
The smell of pot is getting on my nerves. I think after 14 years of my life its starting to get 2 me. I'm not ashamed of it though, let them do whatever. I dont give a shit anymore.
( Am I Haunting You )
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| Look Taylor, I'm updating it. U HAPPY?!?!!?!?!? |
[23 Jun 2005|08:50pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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Feel Good INC. by Gorillaz |
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Went 2 San Diego beyotch(For 4 days). yeah it was interesting. the first day i was like "God damn i wanna go back home and take a nap" but then we actually did stuff and yeah, it was awesome. Ivette is hurr. Jesus i've been listening 2 rap *runs and hides*. Terrible terrible. I've especially been listening 2 the older rap from way back in the day when I was still in New Mexico. Memories, Memories. Ivette keeps bringing up stuff I completely forgot from way back when. Its funny becaus i say "Wtf...I never EVER did that shit!" and then i think about it and say "shit...what the FUCK was I thinking!" Anyway Im also getting into Reggeton, and if you dont know what that is, go google it dammit.
I got a haircut....ahhh its barely below my shoulders....*tear*. Actually no its not that bad. Ivettes is worse *evil laugh*.
She leaves on the 17th of July. So taylor keep that in mind when u get ur god damn tickets. WHENEVER THE HELL THAT WILL BE!
Feelings...Emotions. The meaningless depth. The hurt. I dont want 2 hurt anymore. And I've stopped, but im scared its starting again. Fuk. I know you're going 2 read this, so just keep this in mind. u know who u r. *ice*
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| I feel like I'm falling for you, but I'm scared to let go |
[13 Jun 2005|10:21pm] |
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They by Jem |
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Eh' nothing much really going on. My computer is gettin iffy on me...piece of crap, i swear. So Ivette is coming on Friday. Then we're all leaving 2 San Diego on Saturday for acouple days. Then Taylor is supposed to come July 10th or something. Last day of school is Wednesday. But i didnt go 2day and im not planning on going 2morrow. My sleeping schedule is compeletely wonked. I think the talking on the phone hours on end late at night into early morning have something 2 do with it. yeah just a little bit. ahem. Umm got into another one of those big fights with father, those are terrible, but whatever i guess.
I have so much clothes that are worthy of stencils but no flippin stencils worthy for them. did that even make sense? yes...i think it did. *ponders*. I played piano the other day for the first time in months. I kinda regret giving it up...but i dont wanna pick it up again, that part of me has long died away. Speaking of parts of me that died, so Ivette is coming and thats gonna stir up a lot of memories *sigh* the good and the bad.
uhh....I've been taking a lot of stuff out of my room. so it looks so...plain. it sux. I dunno. I was thinking of maybe going 2 the thrift store and getting a bunch of records 2 hang on my walls or something. I just need something so my room doesnt look like an empty god damn purple room. Yes. Purple, my room is purple.
Im bloody bored.
ahh shoot me now.
I highly dislike text only posts
( My creative addictions. Simple, but SO flippin SWEET )
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| I never lie to her. I just dont tell her the whole truth. |
[01 Jun 2005|07:23pm] |
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mood |
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Complete and pure hatred |
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This hate is so fucking deep. The fact that she thinks she can stop me is ridiculous. But god damnit i AM stopping aren't I???? Maybe she can control certain aspects of it. but theres no way she can cut me off from all communication. I've never felt this HATE towards her before. and I know im going 2 feel bad for going behind her back, but I dont see any other way. I dont even know WHY I want 2 keep trusting him when in all truth, what do i know about it all? It could all be a game, and I'm the mindless play thing. Or it could be meaningful and a strong friendship in the making.
My mom has controlled me long enough. This is the moment when everything changes.
Why does life have 2 be so fuking cruel.
I dont know how im going 2 pull this off. but I have 2 think of something.
This isn't for him. It's for me.
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[31 May 2005|04:49pm] |
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In Our Defense by The Academy Is |
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Are you frightened of Dying? But you're holding on. You'll see devils tearing your life away. If you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, Freeing you.
So My uncle came in from Arizona the other day. He was only here for the weekend, but it was pretty cool. He got my bro an X-box and he gave me 200 dollars *dances*
So yesterday I got 7 Cd's for 5 dollars! Complete awesomeness! Acouple of them are only singles, but im damn right proud of getting all of them. Though im only really impressed with one of them.
I stenciled what I wanted. I am happy. o yes
So the Marine World trip is on Monday. Ya its gonna be fun, lots of people are going. I'm going on my third disposable camera...ya, taking lots of pics of random people at school, fun fun.
Lots of people went on the DC trip. god damn them. Its no fun at school without all those losers. They're gone for...a week i think. ya a week.
Ripped jeans are REALLY in. I went 2 San francisco and everyone had some type of rip or tear in their jeans.
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| Your cries are all in Vain. |
[25 May 2005|08:59pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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Static X-Cold |
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I feel like an update....even though theres nothing much going on. So the end of school "plan" has been put into work. The odds of us actually coming through with it are slim 2 none. But we're still all devising an awesome end of the year plot that will give us something 2 remember. Hopefully people can keep their big mouths shut until the big day so our plans wont get bashed.
I REALLLYYY want 2 put this on a shirt. Its uber awesome, but at the moment I have no good plain white shirt 2 put it on. It would be about a three layer stencil. The most I've done is a 2 layered one....but I need a challenge
So I saw White Noise. What a disapointment. I also saw The darkness, and it has 2 be one of the worst films I've seen. *sigh* I'm planning 2 go see Lords of Dogtown(I'm pretty sure thats the title) when it comes out, I've been in the mood for a good skater movie. WHO WANTS 2 COME 2 THE MOVIES WITH ME?!
So My Science teacher took my cell away the other day...She's annoying. But I guess I deserved it for my stupidity. I had it out texting when it was dark in the class room and everyone was watching a science "educational" clip...and I mean I should have known the light of my god damn phone could be seen from the front of the class where she was. Yes, I can be an idiot. Well that was yesterday, and I got it back today so its all good. I have detention tomorrow because of it though, this school is bull shit.
21 days until school is out, But who's counting???
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| There is no Voice in Freedom, There is no System in Destruction. |
[21 May 2005|10:33pm] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
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Mudvayne-Fall into Sleep |
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I hate this feeling, of wanting, but regreting. It kills me, it truely does, and the fact that I dont know what this other person is thinking while this is all happening. I want 2 stop, I do, but I dont, in hopes that this person will finally notice and do something about it.
This is just nonsense, that is going through my head right now....if it makes sense, I dont know.
We're supposedly going up 2 the river again tomorrow...I'm not 100% sure. I'm gonna have 2 make a new Cd for the ride though...its acouple hours 2 get there.
I heard AWESOME news today!!! Ivette got the tickets 2 come. YAYYYY. So I get out of school June 15th and she's comin in from New Mexico on June 17th. Yes yes yes yes. ANDDD I found out that Julie is going 2 the same highschool as me, *dances*. I cant believe out of all the kids in my grade only a select few are going to this damn highschool...this damn school district and its idiotic rules.
Anyway... so I didn't do much this week Diy wise. ummm....
I stenciled on the back of my fav jeans...I think I mutalated this stencil...and my jeans for that fact. hehe, but they r still my luvz
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| I know I'm not to blame, But this Shame I can not Tame |
[16 May 2005|04:14pm] |
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 calm |
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Try Honesty- Billy Talent |
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Lets see. On...Friday I believe, I went to a priests house cuz my mum had to pick up some plants or something, So i found myself taking off all my chains and bondage straps before I went into his house, It was hilarious. I even left my cell in the car since it had the pot plant on the front. Hehe. I also had 2 dress clean cut for a little get together with my mothers fellow employess and what not. Originally I was going to go with some jeans and a band shirt, which I thought was pretty clean.....but I guess i wasn't preppy enough, so i ended up wearing a pink and white collar shirt....ya, scary.
Four more weeks of school...whoa its amazing, it seriously is....lifes is flying by and its hard to explain all the feelings i have. I'm angry at the fact most kids my age aren't doing shit with their lives...but I suppose it would be better if I pity the simple-minded.
I've been into Alexisonfire and Billy Talent a lot lately, I love them, awesome awesome bands. Speaking of which, I made a Billy Talent shirt acouple days back, but i dont have pics *tear*.
Anyway, So I went to the river yesterday w/ my father and bro, 2 hour drive there and 2 hour drive back, but I had my CD player and I was happy. I've always been a mountain type gal, never the ocean. Anyway so i took some pics...(i have a bunch more, but I dont feel like posting them...sorry for them being so big, I didn't feel like re-sizing them *sigh*)
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| You never understand |
[02 May 2005|02:16pm] |
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 dorky |
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Muse-Endlessly |
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I love cucombers, yes very random, i know. and people ask why i dont like meat, pshhh do u think a chick that eats cucombers on a daily basis would enjoy a hamburger?!?! My whole life I've never liked meat *gags*. Anyway, So i took uber pictures of people at school today because im not getting a year book (I never have, actually) but this year im going to make my own...as a scrap book. Scince im not gonna see the majority of the people next year in highschool....*tear. Not like I'll miss any of them. Anyway, so it turns out we DO have insurance for my cell. So they're gonna mail my new cell and it will be here in acouple days *woot woot* we had to pay 50dollars, but thats better than payin 100 for a whole new one. I'm gonna pay my mum back when i get the cash. I watched this documentrary on the advances of computer technology yesterday...and its kinda scary how we're advancing so quickly. Hehe thats funny, i barely ever watch TV and when i do...look at what i watch, a freakin documentary. Gimme a good CD any day. The past week i've been entering my techno phase once again...o yes i can c it now, the flashing lights at a RAVE, me in the back selling pasafires and extasy. Whoa I cant spell for crap today. You know its ridiculous that you have to buy pants for extra money for them to be pre-ripped,pre-frayed, and they look like jack shit in the end, but i guess thats the style. SOOO no thank you I'll fuk up my own jeans thank you very much.
Details under the cut doode
( I'm so emo. No I take that back, emo is overrated, im INDIE AS FUK! )
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[28 Apr 2005|10:52pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Symptom finger- The faint!!!! |
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Oh Em Gee
holy crap cakes
I haven't heard the faint in ages, and now that I heard the song Finger Symptom, im hooked. i've been dloading like a squirrel on crack. but now my limewire is being a walnut and not letting me download as fast as I'd like. *nods head to the beat of the music*
rock on bitch
ooo Techno, my luver
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black_tears450's journal
